Just writing

I have ideas. Lots of them. Different stories. Some even interconnecting. They're all there. In my head. I know how some begin. I know how some end. I know bits and pieces here and there. But I don't know the most important parts. The details.

I know the larger settings, but not the specifics. I know where I want to go, but not how to get there.

This is true in my writing as well as my professional life. I know where I want to go, but I don't fully understand what I need to do to get there.

As for the professional part, maybe I just need to be really awesome in the interview. I don't really know what else to do on the personal side to show that I can write.

Then, it all comes back to that. Personal writing. As mentioned above, I have many ideas for creative writing; however, not so much for other forms. I need an assignment or project. Something directed. I've had a few things like that at work recently, and I feel they were pretty successful; however, the opportunities are few and far between.

I really tried with web development, and I understand the basics of HTML, XHTML, and CSS; however, in the end, I just don't find it interesting. I like writing. I like taking words and creating with them. I like taking assignments and producing.

Back to creative stuff. NaNoWirMo is starting up in November like normal. I think I should do it. I want to do it. I think I have an idea for it. I just need to make the details happen. I need to make the story appear on paper. 50,000+ words by the end of November. How do I get the details right? That's where the devil is, right?

I honestly love what I do. I know I'm good at it; however, I don't want to do it forever. I want to write. I want to write for the company I'm part of now. And, while it may sound silly, I don't care what department in the company I write for.

Someone may see that as, "Oh, you're not passionate," or, "You just want out of what you're doing now." That's not true. I love my company, and I really feel I can write in any department. I know I can write any form, and I may be rusty on some but I can learn anything. I am passionate. I burn like a fire. I care about this company. I know it's not true, but sometimes I feel like the only one.

I do know it's true that, to some, it's simply a job they do for money to pay bills and party. But I use the products. I care about them. I care about the future. I want to be part of it, I want to build it.

I just don't know how. I don't know how to be part of it. I always feel outside the structure.

I'm going to try to buckle down. I want to do NaNoWriMo. I need to. I need to produce solid, completed creative writing. I do want to be more than just a writer in name. I want to be a novelist. I just need the details.